Jacki helped Ryan get off one more time and that was it. That's when I realized that the whole session had lasted barely thirty minutes and I said that to Dan. He said he could have got more guys but it was my first time. I hit the shower. Of course, William had to spread my legs to show off his mess which was streaming out of me. I kissed and thanked him, and told him not to leave as he went to the bathroom to clean up. Jacki asked me what I thought and I hugged her and said I had to write about it because I had nobody to tell. I told her I'd be divorced if anyone spilled the beans. I kissed her and that was the end of it. William walked me to my car. I wasn't too sore because, other than him, the others were far from huge. I kissed him and gave him my email but he said he saw me on certain websites and would contact me as we both wanted to see each other again. We thanked each other. I drove home very happy, clean, and with a great feeling because I’d finally experienced my gang. The fact that this isn't an easy and clear task is all part of the newness and strangeness of it. Added to that mix the couple are still at your table and asking questions. Your mind is too much of a mess to make up a story to cover the phone call so you opt for truth. Explaining that its a game played with your boyfriend, a prelude to sex, foreplay as such. As a game it arouses you both. You pause as you reveal this, you meant to explain not reveal your innermost feelings. They leave you in silence again which only makes it worse for you, the more you say the more you feel you have to explain to divulge. The lack of reply or response from them is like a pit pulling you uncontrollably into it, spinning faster and faster as you bare your soul. Finally you finish talking and look at them.Their silence seems to challenge your very being, question your own worth and judgement. It humiliates you in a way words could never and as you sit there your eyes finally cast down you become aware.
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